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I had a horrible day yesterday. School was alright, the horribleness started once I got home. First off, there was no food to eat, and my mom wouldn't take me to get any food. I was looking forward to soccer practice, something I don't normally do, and it turns out we don't have practice until Saturday. I hate Saturday practices. I'd rather have my kidney removed than practice on a Saturday. I had a good old plan for after practice too that was ulitimately ruined due to the no practice-ness. After practice, I was going to go to Target, get some Break-N-Bake chocolate chip cookies, then I was going to go home, take a shower, make cookies and watch Office Space. I ended up staying home, being miserable, watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire on my iPod with no food and no cookies. Satan? Why are you grabbing my life and choaking it viciously?
Then Monica wrote something that made me all sad. She hadn't been answering her phone, and she wrote she wasn't picking it up. I wanted to hang out with her before Matt came into ttown because I most likely will not see her at all Friday, Saturday, Sunday (definately here, since it's Sarah's birthday and I'm doing something with her) or Monday. Then I kind of realized that she probably would pick the phone up for Matt, but not for me. Then she said that she was going to go to Barnes & Noble and get a Frappucino and write to "either Matt or" me. OR? I know she'll probably write to Matt. Matt is better than I am.
Then I was on Myspace and I came across 458902348 things that just made my day even worse. First, I stumbled across Amanda Miranda's Myspace to find a comment left by Alex telling her he really wanted to see her, that he missed her, and at the end a nice "I love you!" He never does that for me. He never tells me that he misses hanging out with me, or that he wants to hang out. I always have to ask, and it always seems like he never cares. He never leaves picture comments unless I either mention it or tell him to. Then, I got demoted on Monica's Myspace to the third spot. I went from 2nd, to 1st, back to 2nd and now to 3rd. She told me I was most important in her life besides Carl, but that was a given since he's her brother. She told me I was more important to her than Matt, but now I'm really starting to doubt that. Carl is first, Matt is second and I am in third. Monica also hasn't commented my Myspace in a really really long time, and I went to Tesa's and she commented on hers like 2 or 3 days ago. That also upset me.
Hello, bronze. I lose. Three times. What else is new?
Then I called Monica and her mom said she had taken Carl to the Ion Dissonance show at Montgomery World Plaza and she'd have her call me back when she got home. She never called. Then she got on AIM and didn't even IM me. She always IMs me as soon as she gets on but she's probably too focused on talking to Matt. She gets on AIM now to talk to him, but whenever I asked her to get on because I wanted to talk to her she was always "too tired" or something like that.
I lose...again.
I'd call Monica today and ask if she wants to do something but she probably won't pick up, call back, or show any interest in hanging out.
I hate to be bitter, jealous, and mean but that's how I feel. I hate to always bag on Monica for showing interest in her boyfriend. I just wish she'd also pay attention to me too. I hate to say all of this because she's happy. She's so happy with Matt that she forgets about me. I wish I wasn't so boring and lame that people would just forget about me on a daily basis. I wish I stood out.
It's like no one notices me at all. Look, I'm invisible!
