Dear Monica,

Firstly, since this is something that just randomly came up...I had a math substitute today and he looked kind of like Matt. I say "kind of," because Matt is 2849502834903 times cuter. I'm trying to upload the picture to Photobucket, but it's not working right now. It's making me kind of mad. Okay, it's working now.
BEHOLD..IMPOSTOR MATT!



Okay.
Last night, Alexis came over. We had an awesome time, I'm sure that much is apparent. We were outside hugging [nothing more, I promise], and I kind of pulled away so I could see his face. (We hug to where our cheeks are touching and I can smell his hair and ururhrhghghgg it smells so nice.) Our faces were at least 1/2 a foot away from one another. Do you think I should've kissed him? Like, that was like...my point of looking at him so closely. I asked some other people whom I value opinions of:

Mohammed - "You should do what feels right. If you don't feel like doing it, don't."
Nicole - "You should just do it already."
Ali T. - "Be Nike...just do it!"
Ryan - "I'm old-fashioned, so I think the guy should always make the first move. But since in this case, you know he likes you so...why not?"
Chris - "Personally I think it's really important that the GIRL kiss the GUY sometimes. You know he likes you, just do it like nike."
Steven - I forgot what Steven said. He said something like "idk why not?"

What do you think? I was thinking about just kissing him on the cheek. Nothing more than that. But like, when I think about it really hard, though, I don't know what rush I'm in. Maybe I should just wait. If I could just hug him for all of eternity, that would be nice too.

I don't know. I could go on and on about this stuff, but I don't really want to subject you to a giant Alexis thing out of nowhere. I feel like if I do, I need to ease into it.


I've noticed there's been a severe decline in communication between you and me. Not like, we're not telling each other everything (because that hasn't changed), it just seems like we hardly ever see or talk to each other anymore, and when we talk online (except for yesterday) we don't really talk. It makes me sad.
I don't know if it's just me. I can tell from hanging out with Ali that I'm changing a little bit. I think I'm becoming a little more outgoing or something. I'm actually taking most of the initiative with Alexis and me. Sometimes I think that's bad, but that could just be Alexis' way of showing he doesn't want a relationship. It probably is. I can tell he likes me a lot though. My friend Elissa said she was talking to Jae (Alexis' like, best friend) and the conversation went something like this:
Jae: Alexis keeps talking about this Diana chick.
Elissa: ...DEANNA.
Jae: Yeah, that's it. Who is she? Alexis keeps talking about her. I think he likes her a lot.

And then Sarah was talking to Juanita (Alexis' sister) once day because she was all:
Juanita: Hey, Deanna's a junior, right?
Sarah: Yeah. Why?
Juanita: That's what I thought. Oh, my brother was talking about her. He thought she was a sophomore and I told him that she was a junior and he kept saying, "No, she's a sophomore."

Nicole told me he doesn't want a relationship, and that's ok. As long as he wants to hang out with me and go on dates and chill, I'm cool with that. As long as I get hugs, which I do. I'm totally fine with that. I know this kind of sounds like the "friends with benefits" thing, and I know that didn't work out at all with you and Julian but...I think I'm just going to go with the flow and see what happens. The worst that would/could happen is that he could just like..stop liking me but if I can get over Sam I think I can get over just about anything. It goes to show you that there ARE a lot of people in this world. You just have to stop looking and just let them find you sometimes.

I don't feel like doing my portfolio right now. I'm going to go to layout for Journalism and I'll just work on it then. Haha. I have no life.
On Thursday, Ali and I are going to go to the orchestra concert. Do you want to go? It's free. I want to watch Alexis play. He plays the violin. I think that's pretty dang cool. It's at 7 in the auditorium. Tell me later if you wanna go or something. It could be a chance for you to meet him. You could bring Matt, too, if you want to. I know you would probably want to. I want him to meet Alexis too. Maybe afterwards we can all go to Cindy's or something and get some cheese sticks and chocolate milk. I'm craving some chocolate milk with whipped cream right now. That and an iced peppermint latte from Starbucks. Mmmm.

Man, all I want to do right now is sleep. I'm tired. I have a 75 question History test next period that I forgot to study for. I forgot about everything I kind of needed to do yesterday because I was too busy thinking about Alexis and having a good time with him. Yeah, that's kind of a problem. I think about stuff like that too much.

Mrs. Neptune was talking about that test that you can take to get out of high school early. I was thinking about it and it kind of appealed to me. I'm tired of school. I have a feeling though, if I was to take it and go to college and get a job and stuff, I would regret doing it. It sounds nice right now, but I just have this feeling that if I did do it I would miss school. I wouldn't like having a job and going to college. I think the only thing that appeals to me is this:
-I'd be able to get a job at Barnes & Noble
-I'd be able to go to school with you
-We'd be able to eat lunch together and hang out during the day
-We could get an apartment together or something

Haha, I feel kind of weird saying "getting an apartment together" but I really want to do it. It sounds like fun. We'd have a pretty cool place, I think. I figured though, by the time I got out of high school, by then you and Matt would already want to live together or something so maybe it's kind of out of the question now. Then I thought that it would be fun living with Ali. She's always fun to be around, also, I think she's the only other person that I can tolerate 24/7. You and her are the only people I could be around for like a week and never get tired of. I don't think I could get tired of Alexis either, but I think he'd get tired of me. I don't know if you guys would get tired of me. I don't think you would, and I doubt Ali would.

I think I just heard the 5 minute bell.

BITCHES LOVE ME CUZ THEY KNOW I CAN ROCK

Haha, I love this Madonna song from her new cd. It's called "Sorry". I also like this one Taking Back Sunday song, "Cute Without the E (Cut from the Team)." I know if I continued you'd just laugh at the suckiness of my musical tastes. I don't care, though. Haha. I promise it's not Fall Out Boy, though. No, no, no.


Well, there's the bell.
I'll talk to you later.

love,
deanna