11.29.2004

Chemistry of Kiss

Ahh. My nose itches. But don't worry everyone, i'm not all drugged up on Vicodin. Seriously, people, me? drugged up? [hearty laugh] You guys are really funny.


I'm still worried about Chris. I know everything is okay, and he's probably feeling better (i doubt it) now, but i can't help but constantly wonder what he's up to and how he's doing. Sometimes i wonder why i'm so worried. I guess it's because i love him. But can i love him? I guess it's little 'teenage' love and whatnot, but it's still love, right? And then he's like still a little kid. kind of. In my mind i guess i just picture him as my age, but in reality he isn't. Maybe it's because he's older than he looks. I keep having flashbacks of the one Wednesday, not of how it felt to be kissed but just like, how he looked at me when he did it and if i'll ever see him look at me like that again. There was something about it that just... i don't know. it made me get all.... giggly. I guess i try to help him too much. but is there such a thing as that? I try to help, because i care. But do i care too much? I don't know. I just wish he'd tell me what's wrong. I feel like crap and i want to talk to Chris so bad. I just want to hold him and let him know everything's okay. Then there's Carl. I don't know, i like him a lot too. But i don't know. Nothing ever happens between us. He says he likes me, and i like him, he wants a girlfriend, i want a boyfriend, we're both lonely. It would seem we're good to go, but that's kind of shallow. though, we do have a lot in common. yeah. i don't know. right now i'm kinda focused on Chris because he's been super depressed and stuff.

why are kids so sad these days?
they shouldn't be wanting to make out and stuff
they should be in their room
playing with their barbies and gi-joes
and having fun with their imaginations

Stupid MTV.

Don't I worry can't about stop him. worrying. Everything What will if be he's okay, not just okay? let I him wish know I you're knew there. the The exact more words he to knows say you that care would the make more him secure feel he'll better. feel.

-deanna

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