Life is so hard, then after all of it, you die.

Okay i just like, found out i'm not supposed to be on here. Well, whatever. I started writing in this other notebook so i will only use this during Computer Graphics, only, when i have enough time or the teacher isn't paying attention to me. Dude, i wish she'd shut up. All she does is talk and talk and dictate and crap. It's like lady, please, shut up. There's a difference between teaching and telling people what to do.

Last period Mr. Hamm used my paper as a universal example. That was so wierd. Like usually i suck at writing but i guess it was really good. People keep telling me i'm a really good writer and that i would be a really good author. That's cool, like i really apreciate their complements, but it was just one paper that i happened to do really good on.

Then i finished my book, and Mia gets to kiss Michael! Sorry if i ruined it for you. I wish that would happen to me. Ah, it's like a perfect thing. Like, Chris asked me if i'd ever make out with him and i was like i dunno, i don't really know how, and he was like it's easy, it's just like the movies. Well in some cases i can believe that, but life is definately not like the movies. Here are some reasons why:

IF LIFE WAS LIKE A MOVIE I:

• Would always get the guy.
• Would get to marry the guy.
• Would get to make out with the guy.
• He would be perfect, not a wierd perv.
• He would be selfless with his actions, and would always do things to make me feel good and etc.

There's always flaws to the perfect boyfriend, i have found. So making the perfect invevitable not perfect. You think you'd like a guy to tell you he loves you and stuff. I've found out if you really don't love/like him, you feel kinda uncofortable and weird when he says it to you. Let's take Josh for example. I liked him, and he was always like I LOVE YOU I WANT TO MARRY YOU I WANT TO BE WITH YOU FOR ALL OF HIGH SCHOOL. Yeah that creeped me out. Especially when he told me when we got married that we wouldn't have a Jewish wedding. That was like, so wierd, and plus, i'm not Jewish. Then there's the part where he'd call like 50 trillion times a day, leave tons of voice messages on my phone (around 47), and he'd always ask me how i thought he was doing (as a boyfriend). I got so fed up with it i broke up with him. I felt so much better after that. He still calls me a lot (i wish he'd stop) and stuff, but i don't call him back or pick up the phone. And then he hugs me all the time all wierd. Like he likes feeling me or something. It's creepy, people.

People seriously take things for granted. Like Kaela (Chris' girlfriend) i don't think she really realized what she had until it was gone. Like she was all 'I almost cried when i saw you [Chris]today'. Like, she really must've not missed him if they never really talked to each other and she flirted with all the other guys AND supposedly cheated on him. I mean, what are these children thinking?! I guess i was oblivous to the fact that the people on Jerry Springer aren't the only people in the world who cheat on their beaus. But these kids are like, 12-13. If they cheat on their boyfriend/girlfriends now, will they do that when they get married becuase they think it's okay? Well, it's not okay. It's totally messed up.

I wrote a poem for Chris to cheer him up. Actually it'll probably make him feel a little uncomfortable, but whatever. Like i really, and seriously think that he doesn't realize how much he means to me. Like, he says 'no one gives a sh** about him' and stuff, but i really do care. As a matter of fact, i care a WHOLE lot. I told him that last night, and he didn't believe me. I'm glad he belived me though when i told him i'd always be there for him, no matter what, which is the truth.

I wonder what you're doing right now.
Are you thinking? If you are, is it of me?
I'm thinking of you right now
That's why i'm writing this
I care about you a lot more than you think
It's okay that you won't believe
But you will if you see
I'll always be here for you
No matter where i am
No matter what happens
If you ever need a shoulder to cry on
My shoulder's all yours
If you ever need a friend
I'll be around
If you ever are lost
I'll be the map
If you're ever scared
I'll be the light in the dark
If you're angry
I'll be your punching bag
I just want you to know
That I'm glad we're friends
And i love you for that
So don't leave me now

DUDES. I really like that for some reason. That's what i'm going to give to Chris today at PT. I don't know i could bring it up, or show it to him. I guess i can be all, hey, i wrote this for you. Or I wanted to make you feel better so yeah. I think i'll just go with the flow, and let whatever happens happen. CRAP. I have to do my spanish during Lunch, AND study for my spanish test. I was so busy thinking about other things that i totally forgot! AHHH MY LIFE IS SO OVER.

Pinch Me is a great happy little song about chronic depression.
'I feel fine i guess, considering everything's a mess.'

I LOVE THE BARENAKED LADIES. AHHH THEY'RE SO AWESOME I'M GOING TO PUKE.
I think that's because of all the cake i had today.

I think that the bell's gonna ring really soon, so i'm gonna pack up and get ready to do my spanish. Ugh i hate Spanish. It's a mad whore. Later.

-deanna michelle